Pitter-patter.

I was sat in a dress shop watching my beautiful cousin try on her wedding dress when it first happened. That magical moment when you first feel your baby kick, not just a flutter but a full on boot you in the side. Everyone rushes around to feel your stomach, but the baby doesn’t kick again, that first big one was just for you and you absolutely love it. You smile smugly and feel warm.

You go home and tell the hubby, wait until baby is active again and sit there for hours holding your stomach together, It finally happens, baby lets Daddy feel the magic too. You sit in each other’s arms all night, excited, scared, but most of all, happy. Toddler runs in, you tell them they’re going to have a brother or sister, toddler laughs and carries on playing whilst mumbling something about not sharing his Tigger. You smile, you know he is going to be an amazing big brother.

Today is the day. Halfway point, scan day. Pink or blue? The car was silent on the way, apart from the boy, singing away in the back. He had no idea how big that day was for him, for us. It feels like forever in the waiting room, I’m pacing, partly because I’m nervous and partly because I needed my 4 millionth pee of the day but didn’t want to miss the appointment. We get called in, I lie on the bed, the familiar freezing cold gel is lathered all over my belly and there it is. On screen is our baby, our joy, I’m so overwhelmed I am fighting back tears, my eyes sting and my throat is choked up. But that can’t last long, pink or blue? Pink or blue?! PINK OR BLUE?!

Pink. Pink. Pink!!!!

It’s finally time, it all happens in a rush but I’m in the car, on the way to the hospital. I’m in pain but I don’t really care, the baby is coming, and I’m not even nearly ready for this. We don’t have a name, I had a section last time, the baby is early I’m not ready. I’m not ready! I’m pushing, I see a blur of people around me trying to be encouraging, but I really can’t hear them, I’m scared, and in pain, a lot of pain. I’m pushing again, and again, and again until I’m handed this beautiful angel, She’s crying until I speak and she just stops and opens her beautiful eyes. Her hair is whispy and blonde, she’s got huge eyes, and her Daddy’s lips. But it’s all going blurry.

I hear the sound of a truck. A truck? Why can I hear a truck? I open my eyes and I’m in bed, I look to my left and there is hubby fast asleep. Where is baby? Where is toddler? How did I get here?

It was a fucking dream.

Heartbroken.

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The Worst Things I’ve Been Told As A Parent

Everyone has their own little ways of soothing, disciplining and in general just dealing with their child, and normally I say each to their own, but here are some of the most ridiculous things I’ve been told to do as a parent!

-If your baby bites you, bite them back-
I’m sorry but fuck off, if your baby is biting you, they are probably teething. Plus, I think taking a chunk out of your baby is classed as child abuse. Even if your child does it, and knows exactly what they’re doing, you still don’t bite your child.

-Sleep when your baby sleeps-
Oh Ok then, so who’s coming to do all of the housework whilst we are tucked up dreaming away? No one that’s who, now get your head out of your arse.

-Reward bad behavior with a cuddle-
Ok, so those exact words were not said to me, more in action form. Zak was being naughty once and after ignoring everything I said, they took it upon themselves to give him a big cuddle and kisses. Tell me where the logic is in that one.

-Babies who have a dummy are more settled-
Not once did Zak have a dummy and still sleeps through the night, and he has done from the age of about 8 weeks. So no, babies with dummies are not necessarily more settled. Dummies are the parent’s preference, but personally, I feel like dummies are sometimes (not always) used to just keep their child quiet when they can’t be bothered.

-Stick some whiskey in their bottle-
No, no, no, no, no and guess what? NO. Alcohol is poisonous to adults, hence us getting “drunk”, and you want me to give my child an alcoholic drink that is quite strong for fully grown adults? Yeah, don’t come near my child.

What bad advice have you been given?

Much love xx
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Things all parents will relate to.

A few things have been swirling around my head recently about children, especially toddlers.  Some of the things they do, and some of the things they say leave us all gob-smacked, laughing, the things you experience amidst all of the madness and sometimes most of the time, leaves you crying.

-The inability to listen the first, second and third time you call their name…
To which you then resort to raising your voice, and your child does not understand why you are raising your voice at them, which then leads to a strop.

-The words “no” and “what”…
Zak has recently really got into these words. We could be chatting, and I’ll ask him to do something and I get an immediate “no”. It shocks me every time, if I’d have done that to my parents I’d have been bollocked for it. Zak’s favourite at the minute is “what”. If I call him from another room all I hear is “WHAT?”. It really frustrates me, and no matter how many times I tell him to answer differently, he still does it. Probably because he knows it annoys me.

-The mega cute face they find when you’re mad at them…

The big eyes come out, the cuddles, the kisses on the face and then they bring out the cute phrase/dance/action that they know you love. How can you stay mad at that face?

-The overwhelming feeling that no matter what, you’re not good enough…
I get this one a lot. I constantly feel like my best isn’t good enough, I feel like I am the only one struggling to get my child to pick up the cushion he just threw for no reason, to eat his food, and to just behave in general. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not the naughtiest child out there, but I get those moments where it all becomes too much, and I wonder sometimes why I am failing this, badly.

-Those days where you feel like a TV Mom
I can’t be the only one who feels like this from time to time? The days where your child behaves, the house is clean (well everything is packed into bulging cupboards and it looks clean), you get everything done that you need to and you even had time to slap on some make up, and you found probably the last set of clothes without a bleach stain on them. They are great days.

-Getting stupidly excited when another adult comes over, or you bump into someone you know
When the only conversation you’ve had all day is about minions, farts and lollipops, when you do get the chance to have some adult conversation, you get that rush of excitement run through you. Until of course, your child gets jealous that your attention isn’t just for them and they play up. Then you end up telling them off. No wonder you don’t have much adult conversation.

-Finally, when you’re without your kids, it’s not right
You’ve been stressed and crazy all week, you have bags under your eyes, matted hair, you’re hungry, tired and need a long bath. You finally get that little bit of time to yourself that you have been waiting for. The moment is here and it just doesn’t feel right, you miss their little faces and weirdly miss all of the stress. You then sit there upset because all you wanted was free time and now feel like an awful, selfish person.

Much love xx

 

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Things I love to hate about kids and their funny ways.

Before I had Zak I didn’t take into account a lot of the little things that happen almost daily and how I was meant to deal with them. I knew the obvious ones like “you’ll miss out on so much sleep, be changing endless nappies, wiping tears, kissing baddies” etc. I loved all of that and I still do, but here’s a rather funny list of a few things I love to hate about kids and their brains.

Young kids cannot, nay, will not be reasoned with.

A bit of an obvious one you may think, but not once before I had Zak did I realise this. At least once a day I try to reason with Zak, and explain why I am doing what I am/asking him to do. They cannot listen or comprehend why you’re being a “big meany”. This frustrates me. I’m not wishing his life away, but when the day comes, when I can just simply explain why something has got to happen, I shall be a very happy Mumma indeed.

Kids will push you to your absolute limit.

Another fairly obvious one I guess. Before I had Zak, if I saw a toddler having a strop (please don’t torch me) I honestly thought it was to do with parenting. Not in a way that the parents weren’t fit, just in a way that they didn’t know how to deal with that situation. I thought I had it all planned out.

Nope.

I get it now, this point takes me back to my last point, kids will not be reasoned with. Zaks first ever public strop I was just so stunned that all I could do was watch in horror as my sweet boy screamed down the chocolate isle in Morrisons. Not good. But now he knows, stropping creates attention Mummy doesn’t want. So Mummy has to either grin through grinding teeth or bribe her way out of a major strop. Kids are crafty.

Everything goes in their mouths

Even after teething stage, well at least it does with Zak, or he licks everything. I don’t ever remember doing this, but literally everything I have has been covered in Zaks drool at some point. His personal favourite, a shopping trolley.

They try to imitate everything you do.

I knew kids copied, because that’s how they learn, but I didn’t realise they would to this extent. I have some funny little habits that Zaks picked up on, like playing with my hair when I’m tired. I’m not sure if he is tired when he does it, but I definitely see him do it, and then realise I’ve been doing it. I love watching him do things like that, it’s weird thinking how easily influenced children are.

They will break your heart almost everyday.

This one might sound weird, and I don’t mean it in a bad way, I mean something they will do or say, and you see them developing and becoming their own unique little person, it fills me with pride and breaks my heart, knowing that everyday he seems to need me less and less.

I could go on for hours about little things like that, but those are my main ones, and I’m sure many of you parents have noticed it too, all I know is, I wouldn’t change having Zak for the world, and I can’t wait to have more children, to see if they’re any different, and to love as much as I do Zak.

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